As I sit here updating my blog, adding a few pictures of my beauties, I study these pictures and wonder what it is that makes me and seemingly so many other people, so captivated by these two little girls. And I think it is their eyes. I am mesmerized when I look at their eyes. Monica, with her thick, long, and dark lashes and full, round chocolate brown eyes melt me when she gets so excited about the world around her. They are so full of interest, curiosity, and genuine happiness. Leah, with her almond-ish shaped eyes, gives you a glimpse into uncharted territory, so full of excitement and wonder. Poor thing, she inherited my short lashes, but I am mesmerized nonetheless. They haven't turned to brown yet so they are this deep shade of brown and green. I am overwhelmed when I take the time to look into my girls' eyes and see beautiful spirits gazing at me, and I wonder how I was ever entrusted to be their mother. It's a constant reminder of my great responsibility as such. I really feel like I am looking into the windows of their souls, and am permitted, if for but a moment, to gaze upon their divine potential as true daughters of God.
Yesterday in Sacrament Meeting was the Primary Program. They sang, "I Am A Child of God" at the beginning and at the end, with two beautiful little solos. During the end solo, Monica got real close to my ear and sang "I am a child of God..and me here...parents dear...hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm walk beside me, help me....the way". So in a meeting jam packed with the Spirit, to hear my own little tot singing along these words just really hit home. My responsibility is to make sure my children know without a doubt who they are, earthly and spiritually. It is my job to help them find their way by walking beside them for the little time they are in my care and to teach them everything they need to know about who their Heavenly Father is so they can live their lives to return to live with Him again.
I am thankful to be a mother, but truth be told it scares a whole lotta something out of me. As exciting as it is, it is equally gut wrenching. I am scared of failing to be there in the way they will need me. I am scared of letting them out of my sight where I cannot protect them from every possible threat. But I am also excited to see them take opportunities when they come. And excited to see them learn and grow. I am excited to watch them build relationships and grow in strength and knowledge. So it's no wonder to me that moms go gray before dads. For us emotionally driven moms, it is quite the rollercoaster!!